Wednesday, August 29, 2012

what to say....??

right now...
i'm having a super rough time.
so my "boyfriend" persay...
wants me to go to his youth group tonight..
(and this is kinda a stupid story, so y'all can scroll down to where i talk about other things if you don't wanna hear about my boy problems.)
and i thought i could convince my mom that i could go tonight before today.
but i couldn't and so here i sit...
we'll call my guy... "prince" and he still thinks i'm going //tonight\\
and i have nooooooo idea whatsoever about what to do..
he will be so madddd if he finds out i can't go,
this is why
see....we want to get back together (breakup is a long long story)
and the one thing he is making us do is go to his youth group together
and then tomorrow we would have started dating....big suprise i can't go right?!
so i don't even know what to tell him, because sooner or later he is going to find out when i don't show up tonight.
i thought about pretending to text him as my mom and say i am sick, or to text him and say we've had a family emergency....
but then my friend told me
"if he loves you, he can't be mad at you, he might be upset, but he will need to get over it"
and she's right.
i can't let him get me like this
i should be open and honest with him about everything...after all he is my best friend
i need to be able to tell him anything....
so enough of my boy problems!

//my back has been soooooo bad lately.
i woke up at like 4:30 am this morning and was just crying because i couldn't do
ANYTHING to make the pain go away.
everything i did made it hurt worse.
when i got to school i couldn't even write...
the pain was THAT intense
all day i pushed and pushed through this terrible pain
crying out to God
fake smiling all day
pretending i was okay and that everything was just jim dandy!
inside i was screaming from pain!
crying as i walk away from people who look at that fake smile and believe it.
stretching and massaging alllllll day long.
and my day TOTALLY relied on God..
all these little issues..
whole heartedly
amazing love.

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