Wednesday, August 15, 2012


wow. today was such a bad day.
the whole day i was in pain and VERY not happy...
usually i can push through anything and put on a happy face,
but today was DEFINIATELY not one of those days
I felt like crying a good portion of the day, and didn't want to be with anyone
except my best friend
i had to give a speech in english and i was shaking so bad...
i skipped breakfast and didn't eat enough lunch and drank little water
well when i sat down i felt a rush of pain through my head basically all the way down
it was terrible...
one class to go
study loudest, by far most obnixous class.
i had to do geometry homework, and really, that was the LAST thing I wanted to do
my head was NOT up for that.
thankfully, one of my friends was there to help me figure out this confusing math situation
and i got it done in no longer than 20 minutes.
then i basically sat through the class. talking to friends, listening to music, playing games
but my eyes kept watching that clock, calculating how many minutes this torture would go on
oy! buy my headache did NOT go away.
people at school have been picking on me...and my best friend.
and saying mean, vulgar things...
i know i shouldn't be letting such silly things get to me,
but I'm not gonna lie
they totally get to me..a lot
and i pray..."God forgive them, for they know not what they are doing"
sometimes i say this aloud, or just in my heart.
but i mean it either way
i know these kids probably have nothing better to do, so they make fun of us...or say mean things
so i try and remember... they are not you...they don't have your life,
which, sometimes is hard.
i found myself yelling at my friends at lunch today because i was so angry.
but they know me and told me "Cassidy, just eat your goldfish"
that shut me up real quick
well, a long walk home later,
i came home,
and fell asleep on my "bed"
and from there i drifted in and out of sleep between texts, and chores
i was exhausted! all i want to do is take a warm shower and go to bed
thankfully i had no more homework to work on...
but knowing i have to face tomorrow with equal or greater pain is hard
i wish i didn't have this great pain
i wish i could go to school and not have to worry about not being able to get up from the floor during team building
or writing too much and i start to go numb
its funny,
i sound like an old grandma here....
but all this pain...its real
nothing really gets realer.
but knowing I have a God that can take away that pain
and replace it with amazing love.
that just KICKED the real pain's butt.
His real just got realest.
His love is amazing and steady.
and I have no idea how tomorrow will look
or what next year will look like
but i know that no matter what happens, my God is real
my God is forever
my God is PERFECT
how amazing right?
to know that through TERRIBLE, greif stricken pain...
God is there...fighting with me
my God is AWESOME!!!
man, the things He has done for me today, through the pain...the other kids....everything
HE is always at work! <3

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